My Journey to the Church

Chapter 1

The Tipping Point

You know that feeling when you lean back in your chair a bit too far and get a startled sensation deep in your gut? That's how I felt in the fall of 2023 when my long-running search for deeper truth led to the suspicion that Jesus actually established a visible universal church on earth. I immediately leaned back forward and tried to settle my feet on the ground by studying to reject the notion that the Catholic Church is the one, true Church. Over the course of my investigation, God flipped me all the way back past the point of no return — and on Easter Vigil 2024, I joined the Catholic Church.

Throughout my process, I read and studied a lot. I read early Christian texts, I read commentaries from both sides, I watched debates between Protestants and Catholics, and I prayed constantly.

There were five things instrumental in my process:

The First Spark

About a year before my fall 2023 dive, I watched a video of an evangelical Protestant pastor I respect discuss his realization that the Eucharist is central to the Christian walk. He wrestled with the fact that he had come to agree with the early Church on the importance of the Eucharist, but felt the weight of his Protestant tendency to discount early Church writings to align with Protestant beliefs.

He commented that it is odd that within the tradition of Protestantism, the work of the early Church to compile the canon is accepted, while many of its other teachings and generally accepted realities are not. We all ascribe to tradition — it's just a question of whose. The maneuvering of Protestantism to accept the Bible, but not the Church that compiled it, quickly became an obvious disconnect.

When I first got that uneasy feeling, I made a list of all my problems with the Catholic Church and then studied through them one by one. Ultimately, I had to determine if there was objective truth on the matter, because if so, this was not a question of which form of worship suits a person — rather it was a question of what Christ intended. My landing spot tells you how that worked out.

Chapter 2

What is the Eucharist?

It started with the Eucharist. The question was: is the Eucharist a union with Christ, or is it a symbol of the union — like a wedding ring is a symbol of the marital union though it holds no power beyond its symbolism?

If Christ's command to eat His flesh and drink His blood is to be taken literally — and if participation in the Eucharist is to have the same prominence in our worship it did for the very first Christians — then there was something very wrong with the way I had been taught and, therefore, taught others.

The Roots of the Eucharist: John 6

John 6 begins with Jesus feeding 5,000 people from five loaves and two fish. Soon after, Jesus crosses the sea to Capernaum and moves the focus away from earthly needs: "Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life."

Jesus presses further. He says that "the bread also which I will give for the life of the world is My flesh." The people balk: "This man is going to give us His flesh to eat?" Jesus doubles down: "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in yourselves."

When Jesus initially says "eat," the Greek word is phagein — to eat or consume. But as He presses the point, He shifts to trogein — to gnaw or chew. A far more graphic word, focusing on actual, literal eating.

His hearers struggle: "This is a difficult statement; who can listen to it?" John tells us that many of His disciples walk away. Jesus does not call them back to explain that it was merely a metaphor. He asks the twelve, "Do you want to go away too?" And Peter responds: "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life."

I eventually understood: once you believe that Jesus is who He says He is, it would be foolish not to accept His teaching even if you don't understand it. Isn't that precisely what happened in the Garden? Adam and Eve were lured into pursuing their own understanding rather than God's direction.

How Did We Get from Literal to Symbolic?

Sometime around 1524, a man named Huldrych Zwingli in Switzerland began to publish his opinion that the Eucharist was not really Jesus in body, soul, blood, and divinity — that it was just a symbol. This was 1,500 years after Christ's death and resurrection, contrary to the teaching and practice of the Church for 1,500 years, including those who learned directly from the Apostles.

Even Luther didn't believe that the Eucharist was symbolic and wrote against Zwingli's assertion. At the Marburg Colloquy in October 1529, the parties came together on a number of items, but not the Eucharist. This was the beginning of a panoply of theological teachings that would take varied and contradictory paths.

What Did the Early Church Believe?

For the 1,500 years until Zwingli — and for the 500 after — the Church believed that worship was the Eucharist and the Eucharist was worship. They believed that Christ was present, actually present, in the Eucharist. The voices from the first centuries are unambiguous:

"Take note of those who hold heterodox opinions on the grace of Jesus Christ… They abstain from the Eucharist and from prayer because they do not confess that the Eucharist is the flesh of our Savior Jesus Christ, flesh that suffered for our sins and that the Father, in His goodness, raised up again." — St. Ignatius of Antioch, c. 100 AD (disciple of John, ordained Bishop of Antioch by Peter)

"We call this food the Eucharist, and no one else is permitted to partake of it… not as common bread nor common drink do we receive these; but since Jesus Christ our Savior made incarnate by the word of God had both flesh and blood for our salvation… the food that has been made into the Eucharist by the Eucharistic prayer set down by Him is both the flesh and the blood of that incarnated Jesus." — St. Justin Martyr, c. 150 AD, First Apology to the Roman Emperor

"As the bread and wine of the Eucharist before the invocation of the Trinity were simple bread and wine, after the invocation the bread becomes the body of Christ, and the wine the blood of Christ." — St. Cyril of Jerusalem, c. 350 AD

"The bread you see on the altar, having been sanctified by the word of God, is the body of Christ. The chalice, having been sanctified by the word of God, is the blood of Christ." — St. Augustine of Hippo, c. 411 AD

There are a lot of other early writers who say the same. They write what they were taught. Who are we to change the teaching to suit our own rational minds?

The Mystery of Faith

Following the priest's prayer to consecrate the Eucharist, the liturgy adds a simple commentary: "the mystery of faith…" In a way, everything comes down to this one principle: once we assent to a truth, are we willing to accept everything that flows from it?

Isaiah warns: "My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways… For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways." The arrogance of substituting our own understanding for God's is precisely the disease that plagued those disciples who walked away in John 6.

Chapter 3

A Church, a Book? What Did Jesus Leave?

John Henry Newman famously wrote: "To be deep in history is to cease to be a Protestant." And in the introduction to his Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine: "Whatever history teaches… at least the Christianity of history is not Protestantism. If ever there were a safe truth, it is this."

Jesus was crucified and resurrected in 33 AD. Before His ascension, He instructed His disciples to go and make disciples of all nations. He did not instruct them to write a book — though I believe the Holy Spirit ultimately provided for the compilation of the Christian canon nearly 400 years later. The Biblical canon was addressed at the Council of Rome in 382, the Synod of Hippo in 393, and determined at the Council of Carthage in 397 and 419.

To continue in Protestantism, I would have to believe that Jesus did not do a good job establishing His church when He departed, and that a handful of men figured things out 1,500 years later.

Peter, the Rock

The starting point for my inquiry was Matthew 16. Jesus asks His disciples, "But who do you say that I am?" Peter answers: "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God." Jesus replies:

"Blessed are you, Simon Barjona, because flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but My Father who is in heaven. I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; and whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven." — Matthew 16:17–19

Note that Jesus says He is going to build His church — singular. And the "you" when He says "I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven" is singular in the Greek. He is talking to Peter. The reference to keys means the granting of authority — just as in Isaiah 22:22, where Eliakim is given authority by being given the keys of the kingdom of David.

At the end of the Gospel of John, Jesus appears to His disciples on the shores of the Sea of Galilee. After breakfast, He pulls Peter aside and asks him three times if he loves Him. Each time Peter says that he does, and Jesus says: "Tend My sheep… Feed My sheep." Jesus is directing Peter to protect and teach His flock.

Visible or Invisible?

Did Jesus intend to create a church that is a spiritual grouping of all believers — an invisible church? Did He intend for there to be numerous denominations, each with their own interpretation of core theological matters? Did His prayer for unity in John 17 fail?

Consider Jesus' instruction in Matthew 18 regarding church discipline. If a brother sins, Jesus says to bring it to the church — and if the brother refuses to listen to the church, he should be treated as a Gentile. If there is an invisible church, shouldn't two or three believers constitute the church? Here there is a difference between a handful of believers and the Church.

I found, and have fully accepted, that Jesus meant to charge Peter to establish a church that cared for His sheep — one that decided theological matters through the working of the Holy Spirit in the leaders of His Church, setting up boundaries to protect the flock from heresy. Whatever you believe about the cause of the Reformation, its consequence was to scatter countless sheep out into the wild.

Chapter 4

What Christian Unity?

In John 17, Jesus prays for the believers who will come to faith after His death — that they would be one as He and the Father are one. Is Protestantism united?

One church teaches that marriage is not necessarily between a man and a woman. Another teaches that Jesus died only for some — limited atonement, the "L" in five-point Calvinism's TULIP. Another teaches that, contrary to what all the early church writers wrote, Jesus is not present in the Eucharist. The list goes on. This cannot be the right way to approach fundamental truth.

I would rather trust the Holy Spirit working through a collective we and not an isolated individual when it comes to theological foundations. Without a universal Church — as the Nicene Creed states: "one, holy, catholic and apostolic church" — each believer is left to interpret on their own.

Spiritual Warfare Within the Church

I kept going back to an underlying premise: that Satan has worked in the Protestant Reformation and its resulting chaos in the same way he worked in the Garden — "Did God really say…?" Same adversary, same technique.

I know what you're thinking. The Catholic Church has made grievous errors in protecting the flock over its history. I agree that countless humans within the Church have done and failed to do things that are the acme of evil. But I don't think those are the actions of the Church. You don't leave Jesus because of Judas.

In Matthew 13, Jesus describes the kingdom of heaven as a mustard seed that grows into a large tree — "so that the birds of the air come and nest in its branches." The birds, as Jesus explains earlier in the same chapter, represent the work of the evil one. Jesus was telling us that the enemy would work within His Church. He also told us that the gates of hell would not prevail against it.

Chapter 5

Why Did I Believe What I Believed?

Throughout this process I had to ask myself why I believe what I believe. Why was I so sure of my position previously? Why was I so dismissive of Catholicism when I had hardly any knowledge about it? I think it was a combination of arrogance, ignorance, apathy, and trust in the echo chambers of my slice of Christianity.

As I have studied the creation of the major denominations of Protestantism, I have been surprised at how all these disparate denominational beliefs grew out of the personal beliefs of one or a few individuals. In each denomination you will find a handful of men who took exception to established teaching and through vocal and written contention grew a following of their own — often under the auspices of returning to the true form of Christianity. But what I found were individuals who cherry-picked verses of the Bible and early Christian writings to align with their own beliefs.

As Peter wrote in 2 Peter 1:5–7, I needed to add knowledge to my faith and virtue. I didn't want to be on the wrong side of James 3:1: "Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness."

Chapter 6

The Reformation

The Protestant Reformation was like the Big Bang of false teaching — for there can be only one true position on these matters. Starting with a handful of people seeking to reform certain practices within the Church, the Reformation quickly exploded into veritable chaos: church shopping, differing theologies, and monumentally different outward focuses.

A prominent Protestant pastor I once watched described it this way: Christ and the Apostles formed the church; the Church Fathers conformed it; Rome deformed it; and the Reformers reformed it back to how Christ set it up. Let's play that out. The Church Fathers continued the Church as the Catholic Church — which gave us the Biblical canon. And the Reformers? They sent the church body in 28,000 different directions.

By the way — do you know what other two religions believe they had to recreate the church that Christ left? Islam and Mormonism. Two religions each founded by a single individual.

How Did the Church Function from the Beginning?

The first recorded operation of the Church as a hierarchical structure is in Acts 15. In response to the first heresy — that new believers had to be circumcised — Paul and Barnabas go to Jerusalem to meet with "the Apostles and the elders about this question." After "much debate," Peter stands and provides a conclusion. This is the Church in operation.

As I read through the Church Fathers, I found countless references to "the teaching of the Church," "the Church's doctrine," "the Church teaches." Those phrases can only come from writers who believe there is one Church with one faith and one doctrine. A brief sampling:

"Wherever the bishop shall appear, there let the multitude also be; even as, wherever Jesus Christ is, there is the Catholic Church." — St. Ignatius of Antioch, to the Smyrnaeans, c. 110 AD

"[The Church] is called catholic because it extends over all the world, from one end of the earth to the other; and because it teaches universally and completely the doctrines that ought to come to men's knowledge… If ever you are sojourning in cities, inquire not simply where the Lord's house is, nor merely where the church is, but where the Catholic Church is." — St. Cyril of Jerusalem, Catechetical Lectures, c. 350 AD

"We ought to remain in that Church which was founded by the Apostles and continues to this day. If ever you hear of any that are called Christians taking their name not from the Lord Jesus Christ but from some other — for instance, Marcionites, Valentinians — you may be sure that you have there not the Church of Christ, but the synagogue of Antichrist." — St. Jerome, Dialogue Against the Luciferians, c. 378 AD

Chapter 7

Train Yourself for Godliness

"…as it holds promise for the present life and the life to come" — 1 Timothy 4:8

Many years ago, when I would get on a plane, I would pray the sinner's prayer — every time. Of course, I know now why. I was concerned with getting into heaven, or at least not going to hell. I was a "just" Christian. I knew there was life beyond this life and I believed I needed Christ to get me there, but I was doing the bare minimum.

As I studied more deeply, I learned that fire-insurance salvation is not Biblical. The call for a Christian is total change. Peter, quoting Leviticus: "like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, 'You shall be holy, for I am holy.'"

As Paul writes in Galatians 2:20: "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me."

So what does that have to do with the Catholic Church? I wrote in my journal: "Grasping, struggling to find purchase to secure my sanctification process as a Protestant vs. resting on and in the sacraments, liturgy and disciplines of the Catholic Church. The two approaches are so different. There is peace in His Church and there is growth."

In the book of Revelation, chapter 4 opens with a scene in heaven — impressive, full of awe and reverence. It doesn't look anything like the evangelical services I had attended. But you know what it looks like? It looks like the Mass. Heaven is full of reverence for God. The entirety of the Bible demonstrates interaction with heavenly reality in a holy and structured manner — from the tabernacle to the temple to Revelation.

Pope Benedict XVI put it well: "Faith is looking at Christ, entrusting oneself to Christ, being united to Christ, conformed to Christ, to his life. And the form, the life of Christ, is love." The Church provides the framework for me to become who I am meant to be — not by my action, but by my orientation.

A Leap of Faith

After all my reading, studying, and praying, I uncovered enough information to make the leap. But it was still a leap, because this side of eternity we do not have 100% certainty. Francis Schaeffer tells of a man caught in a mountain storm, unable to see the path. A voice calls out telling him to jump — that there is a ledge below him and a cave for shelter. At some point, you have to jump. Following Christ requires faith.

Prayer

I'll give you one example of how God worked in response to my prayer. On my list of issues was whether the Deuterocanonical books belonged in the Bible. One night I asked God to help me know whether I could trust them as part of Scripture. Then I went to bed. The next morning, just before waking, I had a dream. My wife and I were sitting on our couch watching a movie. In the dream, I turned to Liz and said, "you know, this movie is based on the book of Tobit." Then I woke up. So I got up, grabbed the Apocrypha, and began to read Tobit — the book I had never read, describing exactly the journey I had seen in the dream.

Pray. If you feel a nudge from God to investigate whether this is true, be like the Bereans of Acts 17 and look into it, praying for wisdom as you go. In my journal there is an entry where I felt I was at my rich young ruler moment. God was showing me a direction I was not prepared to travel. I wrote: "Do I have enough faith to pursue what He is showing me?" I am glad I leaned in. If He is nudging you, I hope you will too.

Chapter 8

What Does the Catholic Church Have to Offer?

I came to two realizations that moved me into the Church: (1) I determined it was true — and to know that and not follow Christ would have been disobedience; and (2) I found beauty and spiritual power in the history, the liturgy, and especially the sacraments.

The other thing I found was an immense treasure of theological writing going back 2,000 years. As a Protestant I gave more weight to current scholarship. As I have read those who have wrestled with truth over 2,000 years, I have found minds much, much brighter than any of the current authors I was reading.

The sacraments of reconciliation and the Eucharist have been most meaningful to me. Reconciliation was strange to me — I was 100% in the camp that I could just confess directly to God. And you can. But in doing so, I still felt the nagging presence of past sins. Was I really forgiven? The sacraments are gifts from God to His children, physical manifestations that He has agreed to be bound by. I felt the peace of forgiveness in confession — a peace rooted in the love of God and the truth of Scripture:

"If you forgive the sins of any, their sins have been forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they have been retained." — John 20:23. Jesus granted authority to the Apostles. This was not a convoluted way of saying that spreading the Gospel results in the forgiveness of sins. No, it meant what it said.

As for the Eucharist — if the Catholic Church is indeed the Church that Jesus established, then to be outside of it misses crucial components necessary for our spiritual growth and sanctification, starting with the Eucharist: Ignatius of Antioch's "medicine of immortality" and the Catholic Church's "source and summit of the Christian life."

Recently, I have been drawn to Isaiah 64: "there is no one who calls on Your name, who arouses himself to take hold of You." That sums up what I have felt called to do over this whole process — to move beyond God as a part of my life, to seeking Him and His truth as the central purpose of my time in this life. Jesus said to seek first the kingdom of God and everything else will be provided. That has been true for me.

Further Reading

Want More?

If you have made it this far, thank you. Know that I am praying for you. Here are some suggestions you might find helpful:

If you want to talk through specific issues, please reach out. I can almost guarantee that I processed through whatever might be puzzling you.